Album Review

Album Review: Devil Master – ‘Satan Spits On Children Of Light’

Posted by Kriegmaster Hatesturm on Sunday, February 17, 2019 at 1:30 PM (PST)
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THERE’S THIS WHOLE CATEGORY OF PERSON OUT THERE, WHO SPENDS A LOT OF TIME PISSING AND MOANING ON THE INTERNET ABOUT THAT FUCKING BAND GRETA VAN FLEET FOR SOUNDING JUST LIKE LED ZEPPELIN (Editor’s Note: Neckbeard Van Fleet coming soon!). AND FOR THE FUCKING LIFE OF ME I CAN’T FIGURE OUT WHY. BECAUSE IF LED ZEPPELIN WAS A THING YOU LIKED, I FIGURE YOU’D BE STOKED THAT THERE WAS MORE OF IT. LIKE IF I ORDERED A PIECE OF CHEESECAKE AT A RESTAURANT, AND IT WAS GOOD AND I WENT TO ANOTHER RESTAURANT AND THEY HAD THE SAME PIECE OF CHEESECAKE, I’D BE FUCKING STOKED. AND INSTEAD YOU HAVE THESE PISS PANT WEINERS SHITTING OUT TEN PARAGRAPH ESSAYS ABOUT HOW THEY ARE MANDATED TO EXIST IN THE SAME REALITY AS A THING THAT IS INTENTIONALLY SIMILAR TO A THING THAT THEY ALREADY LIKED. THEY CAN’T JUST HAVE TWO THINGS THAT THEY LIKE. AND THAT’S HONESTLY ONE OF THE DUMBEST FUCKING THINGS I’VE HAD TO SPEND TIME MENTALLY ENTERTAINING.

I HOPE THESE CLOWNS NEVER GET INTO ART, BECAUSE IF I HAVE TO READ A PETULANT ESSAY BY SOME FART SNIFFING DICKWEED ABOUT HOW PEOPLE SHOULDN’T MAKE ART THAT IMITATES THE MASTERS I’M GONNA SCREW THE RESPONSIBLE HANDS DOWN TO A BIT OF WOOD CRUCIFIXION STYLE AND BREAK EVERY FINGER INVOLVED IN AUTHORING IT.

BUT ANYWAY. TO MAKE A POINT ABOUT THAT VERY VERY LARGE STRAW MAN, I’VE SAT DOWN TODAY WITH THE NEW DEVIL MASTER ALBUM. WHO AFTER SIGNING TO RELAPSE HAS SPENT A LOT OF TIME MAKING THEIR STUFF SOUND EXACTLY LIKE THE SPOOKY OLD HEAVY METAL TAPES MY FRIENDS DEDICATE ENTIRE INSTAGRAM ACCOUNTS TO DOCUMENTING.

AND THAT’S NOT A DIG. I KNOW THERE WAS A LOT GOING ON IN THAT FIRST PARAGRAPH. BUT I THINK THIS BAND DOES A LOT OF GOOD STUFF. THIS ALBUM IS COOL AND WEIRD, BUT ALSO TASTY AND CHAOTIC. IT HAS LIKE A WARM TAPEY VIBE TO THE PRODUCTION QUALITY THAT I THINK ACCIDENTALLY CAME OUT A LITTLE HI-FI FOR WHAT THEY WERE AFTER. THE GUITAR TONE AND DRUMS SOUND LIKE SOMEBODY IN THE BAND HAS A VERY LARGE MERCYFUL FATE TATTOO. AND THIS GUITAR PLAYER SEEMS LIKE THEY PROBABLY HAVE A GIGANTIC TATTOO THAT SAYS “RIFFS” BECAUSE THIS ALBUM IS JUST NOTHING BUT FUCKING RIFFS. RIFF SALAD SANDWICH, WITH A SIDE OF RIFFS. SERVED WITH A NICE TALL GLASS OF SLOPPY NASTY GROWLY VOCALS. I REALLY CAN’T STATE LOUD ENOUGH HOW EXCITED I WAS TO GET THROUGH THIS WHOLE THING WITHOUT ANYONE TRYING TO GET ME TO WASH ANY OF THESE RIFFS DOWN WITH AN IMITATION KING DIAMOND FALSETTO. A GENUINE IMPROVEMENT TO THE ORIGINAL DESIGNS.

BEYOND THE SOUND, THE BRANDING OF THE WHOLE THING IS EQUALLY REFLECTIVE OF THE SOURCE MATERIAL. THE NAME DEVIL MASTER SOUNDS INTENTIONALLY PRIMITIVE, THE LOGO IS PURPOSEFULLY BADLY XEROXED AND THEN SUPERIMPOSED ON THE VIDEOS. THE ACTUAL FOOTAGE ITSELF I THINK ACCIDENTALLY COMES OFF A LITTLE TOO HI-FI, IN A WAY THAT MAKES THE EROSION THE VIDEO EDITOR USED AFTERWARDS SEEM A LITTLE SILLY. (BUT THAT’S A VERY SMALL NIT TO PICK.) AND I REALLY LIKE THAT THE SONG TITLES TITLES FLIRT WITH SPOOKY DEVIL STUFF BUT IN A WAY THAT HARKENS BACK TO A TIME WHEN YOU COULDN’T JUST NAME YOUR ALBUM “BESTIAL NEKROGOATS SATANIC 666 WARCOCK FORCEFULLY RENDS THE BODY OF CHRIST ASUNDER” AND IMMEDIATELY GET A DEAL WITH HELLS HEADBANGERS. IT’S TASTEFUL.

THAT BEING SAID THIS KINDA THING JUST ISN’T FOR ME. I CAN TELL THAT IT’S WELL MADE, I CAN TELL THAT A LOT OF TIME AND CARE WENT INTO IT. I THINK THERE’S A COUPLE OF SMALL MIS-STEPS IN PRODUCTION AND A FEW HEAVY FOOT FALLS IN THE VIDEOS THAT COULD BE HAMMERED OUT, BUT THEY IN NO WAY OVERSHADOW EVERYTHING THIS ACCOMPLISHES. IT’S JUST NOT MY SLICE OF CHEESECAKE. AND AGAIN I NEVER TAKE OFF POINTS FOR TASTE.

THAT BEING SAID IF YOU’RE INTO THROWBACK PROTO BLACK METAL STUFF THAT DOESN’T INVOLVE ANYONE WITH A SHITTY MUSTACHE, OR HATE GROUP AFFILIATIONS. THIS IS PROBABLY FOR YOU AND YOU SHOULD ENJOY IT.

3.5 OUTTA 5. 4 OUTTA 5 IF THEY’D SHOOT THOSE VIDEOS WITH AN ACTUAL SHITTY OLD VIDEO CAMERA. GOOD STUFF.

 


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