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Golden Gods 2012: A Retrospective (and Personal Opinion)

Posted by JDKleinhans on Thursday, April 12, 2012 at 12:15 AM (PST)

So another year of the Golden Gods Awards has come and gone. Since I have never watched the Golden Gods (last year was the first time it was open to the public) I don’t have the ability to compare it to previous years. What I do have is the ability to tell you all about it and give my very personal and honest yet not so humble opinion about the show, the nominees, and its winners.

I’m warning you now, I’m probably going to swear a lot (as I’m quite heated), I’ll probably insult some of you and your taste in bands, and some of you will probably take issue with my dislike of certain bands as I’m in Snobbish Elitist Mode. But I’m writing this and you’re reading it, so deal with it. This is my soapbox and you are my audience, though I am more than willing to have rotten vegetable thrown at me. BRING IT ON!

Also, this rant does not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of Metal Riot and its associates. With that being said, I hope that you’ll take a few moments of your precious time to see what you missed (or didn’t) by heading over here.

I’ll go over the awards themselves, the performances, and the evenings highlights. First, let’s start off with the nominees and winners of each category and I’ll give you my little bit of insight.

Best Guitarist
***WINNER*** Jinxx and Jake Pitts (Black Veil Brides)
Zoltan Bathory and Jason Hook (Five Finger Death Punch)
Willie Adler and Mark Morton (Lamb of God)
Robb Flynn and Phil Demmel (Machine Head)
Dave Mustaine and Chris Broderick (Megadeth)
Matt Heafy and Corey Beaulieu (Trivium)

REALLY!? THE BLACK VEIL BRIDES!? I realize that this is a viewer/reader voting award show but for fuck’s sake – BVB!? How can a flash in the pan band like these guys beat out bands and their respective guitarists like Lamb of God, Machine Head, Megadeth, and Trivium. I saw BVB perform tonight and all of the other bands live (except 5FDP) and I don’t get it. It’s a travesty, a sham, and a mockery. A TRAVESHAMOCKERY!!!

Best Drummer
***WINNER*** Jeremy Spencer (Five Finger Death Punch)
Charlie Benante (Anthrax)
Taylor Hawkins (Foo Fighters)
Chris Adler (Lamb of God)
Brann Dailor (Mastodon)
Tomas Haake (Meshuggah)

Ok. This is the problem with a show like this and letting kids and the uneducated vote. How can a straight forward hard rock band like 5FDP win out against two stellar drummers like Brann and Tomas. These guys do things on the drums that most people can’t even begin to wrap their heads around. These two guys play rhythms and cadences and change into fucked up time signatures in the most dizzying of ways. Unbelievable! Shame on you voters. Shame- on- you!

Paul Gray Best Bassist
***WINNER*** Nikki Sixx (Sixx:A.M.)
Frank Bello (Anthrax)
Michael Anthony (Chickenfoot)
Fieldy (Korn)
David Ellefson (Megadeth)
Wolfgang Van Halen (Van Halen)

I can’t really argue with this one. While I think Frank Bello and David Ellefson are better bass players than Nikki, he’s still one hell of a bass player in his own right and just as much of a veteran.

Riff Lord
***WINNER*** Slash
Scott Ian (Anthrax)
Zakk Wylde (Black Label Society)
Dave Grohl (Foo Fighters)
Munky (Korn)
Eddie Van Halen (Van Halen)

This is one tough category to vote for but I think the best guitarist (from this past year at least) came out on top. Slash is one of the sickest riff masters in the history of riff making (along with Zakk and Eddie – the only other two real competitors in this category). Mind you I haven’t listened to Slash in a few years but the live show his band put on tonight shows that he hasn’t lost a bit of his rifftastic touch.

Comeback of the Year
***WINNER*** Slipknot
Dream Theater
Van Halen

I don’t get this category and its nominees. None of these bands have really gone anywhere except for Ministry as they broke up years and ago and Al Jourgensen said the band was done and dead. So by default Ministry wins!

Best International Band
***WINNER*** X Japan (Japan)
Behemoth (Poland)
Lacuna Coil (Italy)
Rammstein (Germany)
Sepultura (Brazil)
Meshuggah (Sweden)

WHAT IN THE HELL!? X JAPAN!? WHO THE HELL ARE THESE GUYS!? Unfuckingbelievable! When you have iconic bands like Seputura, Meshuggah, and Behemoth (FUCKING BEHEMOTH!) lose out to some lame-ass band like X Japan it shows that the show is a complete and utter joke.

Best Live Band
***WINNER*** Avenged Sevenfold
Foo Fighters
Guns N’ Roses
Judas Priest

Um… I’ve seen all these bands live and maybe I’m missing something here but Guns N’ Roses (early 1990’s era mind you) and Tool are both at the top of my list for best live bands ever. Not just this past year, but FUCKING EVER! While, I don’t get peoples interest and obsession with Black Veiled Brides and Avenged Sevenfold, I’ll admit that Avenged Sevenfold put on a good live show but when you have GNR and Tool in that category… ugh…

Best Vocalist
***WINNER*** Amy Lee (Evanescence)
Sebastian Bach
Andy Biersack (Black Veil Brides)
James Durbin (“American Idol” finalist)
Ivan Moody (Five Finger Death Punch)
Jonathan Davis (Korn)

First off, the fact that James Durbin (“American Idol” finalist) is in this category is completely laughable. No “American Idol” contestant should ever be allowed anywhere near a hard rock / heavy metal awards show. Secondly, Amy Lee has an amazing voice so I’m not going to argue with her win, but I have to be honest, her performance tonight was rough. I’ll talk more about that in a minute.

Most Metal Athlete
***WINNER*** CM Punk (WWE wrestling)
Gina Carano (MMA fighting)
Brian Deegan (pro motocross)
Evan Longoria (MLB baseball)
Dirk Nowitzki (NBA basketball)
Mitch Petrus (NFL football)

Who cares? Really!? A fucking “Most Metal Athlete” Award!? This is so not metal. More proof that there needs to be real heavy metal awards show, not some pandering bullshit like this one.

Most Dedicated Fans
***WINNER*** Avenged Sevenfold
Asking Alexandria
Black Veil Brides
Falling in Reverse

Again, the fact that there is a “Dedicated Fan” category is just pandering to the brainwashed masses that think because it printed in a mass market media or thrown on a bus or website banner that think anything bright and shiny is good. This category makes me want to vomit.

Album of the Year
***WINNER*** Korn, The Path of Totality
Anthrax, Worship Music
Evanescence, Evanescence
Five Finger Death Punch, American Capitalist
Foo Fighters, Wasting Light
Lamb of God, Resolution

Not one of these bands came even close to making my list of Top 5 much less Top 10 albums last year. As much as I like some of these bands and absolutely love Anthrax, this list is absolutely ridiculous. Throughout the whole awards show there’s not a single black / doom / extreme / folk / metalcore / grindcore / melodic death / punk metal band nominated, Behemoth is the only death metal band, Dream Theater the only progressive metal band, and Anthrax and Machine Head the only trash metal bands. You can’t call yourself a heavy metal awards show if you leave that many aspects of the scene out. It should just be called “The Only Lame Hard Rock Awards Show That Panders To The Brainwashed Masses Of The Uneducated Consumer Awards Show”.

Ronnie James Dio Lifetime Achievement Award

Yup. Damn straight. That’s because it wasn’t based on viewer/reader votes.

…And then there were the performances. The sound system sucked. There was feedback galore and the levels were all jacked up. But I don’t know if even a decent sound engineer could have helped with some of the performances.

The Sixx: A.M. opening performance was pretty decent and I admittedly have become somewhat of a fan but I think it might be the nostalgia of having body passed Nikki Sixx back in 1995. I’ve seen Trivium live during their tour this past winter with In Flames and they put on an unbelievable show. Matt Heafy’s stage presence is energizing and addicting and even though I haven’t gotten into their music I would see them live again and again.

And then there was Black Veiled Brides. Listening to these guys was like running barbwire through my ears. Even the mighty Dee Snider himself couldn’t fix the horrendous migraine these guys caused. But… yes, another but… I did enjoy the third song of their set as it reminded me Skid Row’s classic angst ridden anthem, “Youth Gone Wild”.

I don’t know how I feel about Evanescene any more but what I do know is that Amy Lee’s voice was rough and off key. I’m quite non-committal on this one.

Slash was one of the biggest highlights of the night. Even though the singer’s vocals were barely  audible, you don’t care because you’re not listening to him. You’re listening to the divinity that is Slash himself and his guitar playing sent from high. Marilyn Manson’s set was also incredible and a good teaser for his upcoming tour but even Marilyn sounded a bit off. I’ve never seen him live but I think he needs a few more weeks of rehearsing to tighten up his voice.

Even though I’ve completely ripped the show apart there were still a few highlights that I thoroughly enjoyed. Tenacious D introducing the Ronnie James Dio Lifetime Achievement Award to Rush was one of the few funny moments (Chris Jericho is a horrible host). Lemmy, God himself, and Lita Ford on the stage at the same time was a glorious moment even if brief.

Slash’s performance was amazing and his 11 seconds of noise for Jim Marshall was endearing and doing a live performance with Alice Cooper singing “School’s Out” was the song of the night. Marilyn Manson had some great moments too, as Damien Echols of the West Memphis Three introduced him and Johnny Depp joined him on stage for “Beautiful People”. Say what you will about Johnny Depp, he’s still a badass motherfucker.

But the real highlight of the night happened before the show even started. From the Pantera vaults comes a 20 year old recording from the Vulgar Display of Power recordings, a little ditty called “Piss”. The song is epically Pantera and the video is a slow-mo face punching, hot chic hair whipping frenzy. Sickness.

So there you have it my fellow heathens and cretins, what you did (or didn’t) miss at this year’s Golden Gods 2012 Awards.

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