Music

I covered Sinead O’Connor for those struggling with depression in scene

Posted by Morgan Ywain Evans on Saturday, September 2, 2017 at 11:22 AM (PST)

Hey. Morgan from Metal Riot/Walking Bombs here with a cover song for you today. I want to thank you all for your own lives, for the ways you enrichen mine and for the times we can manage to remember one another’s goodness after distance grows.

In a time when the most toxic and defensive people attack others as “triggered snowflakes” while pushing for the same old same old white supremacy and kleptocratic patriarchy under the extremely fake guise of “shaking up the system”, when unrepentant and hurtful people with no desire to truly communicate gaslight society (remember kids- saying nazis are actually socialist is like saying GOP is still the party of Lincoln), when civil rights are threatened, when love is laughed at but the hard choice of physical resistance to violent fascism is also condemned, sensitive artists and souls or people with PTSD can really struggle. When we do make mistakes it is even harder to forgive ourselves. The waters are churning too much, like a blender that never shuts off and has no lid but somehow you are expected to keep the contents inside when everyone else is rewarded for being unplugged or complacent, even as they have no current flowing through their hearts.

Anyway, I wanted to send love to Scott from Neurosis, especially Sinead O’Connor and others alive and still with us trying to bravely battle stigma and depression in this climate. Or activists like Bree Newsome or Talib Kweli who put so much out there on the front lines of activism every day. Or people who were too exhausted to go on like Chester or Chris or Scott Weiland or any of the greats we have lost. Even Prince or MJ who gave so much but had a curated existence just to function on the cosmic frequency they did.

I love people but have a hard time with crowds anymore. Not to say I am an empath, necessarily…but when you have had bad experiences and are suspicious or scan for danger to survive or have had trust completely broken, when you sabotage yourself….your spider sense is often tingling. I love people but it can be so draining. And I need a lot of alone time society doesn’t always allow for unless you really have cash. Even monitoring it is easy to spiral for some of us.

I went today to a place I almost took my own life a few years ago. I wanted to send some light and loving energy out from that spot to remind how crucial communication (when possible) and room for healing are. I have a long semi-coherent intro, but I covered Sinead’s bittersweet “Last Day Of Our Acquaintance”  for anyone who has had relationships or friendships or their own personal aura clouded by struggles with depression. I have so much respect for people like Hether Fortune who talks online sometimes about the benefits of therapy or Christopher Stroop who is doing #emptythepews work to combat Evangelical societal abuse or other artists who try to stay engaged with social issues even when it is very taxing. I do it myself so much I exhaust myself and it is so important to also practice self care, especially for artists as well who often feel we have to be raw or on edge to be AUTHENTIC. Sometimes it is enough to function, honeys.

And as for forgiveness, some relationships don’t get fixed. Or sometimes in wider society we have situations, like with emboldened hate groups in the streets- where the option of forgiveness has to be in God’s hands because if you don’t act the motherfuckers will run over a girl or some kind of actual catastrophe will arise, but other times in this life a gentle word or listening CAN sometimes turn the tide.

May the road rise to meet all (er, most) of you. We have some healthy if not always easy discussions about what is problematic and what is helpful or good to keep alive in our scene right now. While I hope we can allow room for expression I also hope it is not just for the sake of itself and we can keep things actually growing productively, whether towards healing through art, helping one another with some hardcore scene style positive encouragement or trying on one another’s shoes wherever situations still allow safe room to do so.

And some people will give up on you, but you can’t give up on yourself. Actually, scratch that…you aren’t always bad just because you perhaps break after all.

Went a place I almost took my life few years back (I had wanted to die where I had good memories even though I was so low). Here is A cover song and thoughts on depression and thanks / prayers and best wishes for Scott Kelly, Supporting Sinéad Oconnor , Chris Cornell, Linkin Park and various lost lives and lovers. Xo. Do your best, darlings.

Posted by Morgan Ywain Evans on Saturday, September 2, 2017

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