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“No Ass No Pass”: To groupie, or not to groupie in the social media age

Posted by Morgan Ywain Evans on Wednesday, March 25, 2015 at 11:39 AM (PST)

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Banana, banana, terracotta pie. Calling all “super fans”.

Ok, so sex has always been a part of rock n roll. The term “groupie” itself is inherently demeaning, as these are really superfans and people with real identities. We all probably know about Led Zep putting octopus tentacles in vaginas or that Avenged Sevenfold have acted like R Kelly and peed on girls before. Then you have someone like Lemmy who seems to really, really just love women. There is a perfect example of someone who is not traditionally attractive surpassing his perhaps limited looks to persuade people to throw themselves at him through sheer power of awesomeness. Dio is dead so Lemmy is God and thus…God is ok with sex! Hear that you idiot Bible thumpers? Haha.

I get that people sometimes just have hormonal attraction to one another. Seriously though, Warrant’s “Cherry Pie” and Whitesnake’s “Here I Go Again” (which I once tried to convince my mom was musical genius) are kind of classic exmaples where the girls in hindsight arguably have the most power. I  mean let’s consider that the hair metal dudes were so under the spell of these babes that they literally couldnt sing about or think about much else.

Who is in control there?

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Nowadays we have cases like the controversy around Blood On the Dance floor and underage fans, the scrutiny of social media or the rare case when someone like Lynn Strait (RIP) from Snot actually makes a porn (the horribly titled Nu metal era porn Backstage Sluts 2: No Ass No Pass, which has a scene with Fred Durst in it (shudder) while ironically Clutch I think is playing in the background, a real musicians musician band). I think Strait’s porn was with his wife or gf though. Look, I’m not saying to de-sex rock n roll. I think rather it’s good to examine the power dyamics. Steel Panther are bringing hair metal back with a vengeance but ironiclly I hear more stories of Christian metalcore bands doing dirty stuff with fans than more traditional hard rock bands. See, Jesus gets you laid!

But seriously, I wrote the inflammatory headline of this article not just as click-bait but because the last few years more and more women are in metal and frankly doing a better job than most men in the genre. It’s been rad times for real music fans and human beings not blinded by prejudices and bias. Now are these women sluts if they excercise the same right to pick and choose from herds of fans that men have enjoyed since even before the Van Halen heydays?

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Hey, if someone actually likes your band enough to find you attractive you might as well screw them, right? Well, sure. Maybe. Haha, it really depends on a lot of factors. Sure, why not? Haha. I understand that having a parade of people on tour throw themselves at you, if that happens at all, is a strong pull if you’re on the road weeks or months at a time and lonely or feeling the semi-illusion of the “freedom” of the road.

I’m bi-sexual and while I have always truly preferred devoted relationships, if not always strictly monogamous ones (as long as there is mutual respect, trust and understandng), I think I’m coming to terms with-at age 36!- having felt really polyamourous much of my life. Maybe it is a side effect of being cheated on at a young age in a meaningful formative relationship and ironically having a hard time trusting just one person after that (though I’ve always been a loyal type) or being closeted for years to my queer ‘side’, but I spent a long time struggling with long lasting relationships despite wanting one. Eventually I learned to instead accept that I want what is right for me at different points in my journey of life and that it might not always be the same thing but that it needs to be a healthy choice, first and foremost. But seriously, in life sometimes I’ve just really had feelings for more than one person, sometimes at the same time. I don’t think that’s unnatural.

We need to stop defining things in accordance to the warped and selective moral compass of the Bible (“stone adultery”) and instead embrace real compassion and insightful objectivity, like Jesus himself (who partied with Mary Magdalene, huzzahhhhhhhh~~o!).

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I have often been able to be both burdened and/or lucky enough to be in love with more than one person at a time. Most people don’t understand that and it’s made it hard at times in my life when really dealing still with feelings for someone while dating other people and moving forward. Emotional overlaps like that are not always easy and require real honesty with your partner(s) unless you want it to blow up in your face or to be celibate until you’re willing to accept life and relationships change sometimes. Or that maybe they don’t and you just have deep feelings for different people.

Mel from Fuck The Facts is cooler than most metal dudes in every way and gender shouldn't be an issue in metal anymore.

Mel from Fuck The Facts is cooler than most metal dudes in every way (ie: looks, talent, lyrics, stage presence) and gender shouldn’t be an issue in metal anymore.

It’s not about sex for me as much as that I form really deep and long lasting feelings/bonds for people that translate into my spiritual side AND physical side and I tend to also look for a meaningful connection with a person whether it is a one night stand or a long term partnership. If someone wants to work out with me it requires understanding that I’m a simple yet complex person. That said, I’d probably never cheat on a partner or wife/husband on tour. I’ve never done that to anyone. And due to all those above factors I’m not perhaps the average person. But there is no such thing as an average person. Every human being born is a unique snowflake (the least metal sentence EVER written on this site, LMAO) but we need to own up and accept that instead of pushing one type of relationship or sexuality as the right way. It was lame in 50 Shades Of Gray how he had to have a crack head mom and a lopsided power dynamic with an older woman in his closet to explain Christian Gray’s desire for BDSM. Lame, lame, lame back story to what could have been a more groundbreaking examination.

Some people are on the go and are down with casual sex. That’s totally fine also. But have the self respect to get over your genitals enough and also think about repercussions (not because as the Duck Dynasty GOP  idiot thinks, we need to be afraid of a God or else we’ll have no moral compass to make us good people and not uncontrollably give in to rape and murder fantasies! Seriously, if that’s why you’re a Christian you’re probably a secret fucking asshole, kid toucher). I also think BDSM or more vanilla sex can be healthy for working stuff out (besides fluids). IF you are safe.

It’s transparent that a lot of dudes need EGO validation and always go for younger, adoring fans (or anything with a pulse), for example. I think that’s kind of pathetic and boring. Have some more value in YOURSELF than that. Not that it’s wrong. I’ve had significant age gaps with some lovers at times but always respected them beyond objectification. Thus eternal props to Lydia Lunch for mocking often the ‘boys with guitars’ boring archetype during her career as a sonic innovator. Honestly if you are playing a great guitar solo but your ego and the penis envy I’m supposed to have seeing you shred is apparent in your strut and facial expressions, I might tune you out and listen to Sleep or Cycle Sluts From Hell (my friend Dava’s old band who were famously on Beavis and Butthead for thier classic “I Wish You Were A Beer” clip). That really took charge from the boys!

[youtube]https://youtu.be/BeuNckmt7h8[/youtube]

Seriously it’d take a lot for me to crush on a shredder, but I don’t know how it is for girls. Every person is different and has a different brain, emotions and libido. One quick fling with a rocker could be fine for one person and uhealthy and damaging for another “groupie”. I think most bands are probably too attention starved or self-involved to see that, but maybe not. I’d like to think the “post” alternative rock era days maybe have taught us to embody more respect or consideration/discourse for one another and the relationship between audience and fans (post-Nirvana) but I am probably certainly mistaken. Lots of kids have never heard of bands from five years ago, it seems.

Anyway, the point of this piece is just to make you consider that before you concentrate on “just getting a piece of ass” you might want to consider it’s the social media age and stuff gets around faster now. Again, that’s not as a moral inhibitor. I think it’d be healthier if people claimed sexuality as healthy and weren’t timid for fear of being “shamed.” And that goes for any orientation or gender. BUT also realize you could be setting yourself up for some real shitstorm backlash if anything goes haywire. Heck, even your erectile dysfunction or need to dress like the dragon from Dio’s Sacred Heart era to feel aroused…it all could see the light of day in a boastful or humorous twitter feed. So prepare to own your ‘sins’.

Is that saying don’t trust anyone? No, but it is saying be smart. And the bottom line is, have some respect for the people who listen to your art and maybe actually want to find out a bit about them as people before you just have sex with them.

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