Today Rolling Stone published a ridiculous 40 Greatest Stoner Albums Ever list. They should have called it “How to not get laid ever, except for The Chronic and one or two others on here.” They had some cool reggae picks but had fucking Beach House (no offense to them) but not Sleep or Cypress Hill? Like, wtf?!!! The list was pure dirt weed for the most part.
You don’t listen to Kraftwerk stoned. I love Kraftwerk but if you did that too blazed it would be like being stuck in an Atari game and not in a fun way. And Darkside Of The Moon is a way better LSD album. And RS, much as I love them, will never help put me in the rock n roll Hall of Fame I am betting (even though I fucking rule), so I am gonna call them out on putting Jimi Hendrix at number one on pretty much every list they ever publish. I LOVE Jimi. The first time I smoked I listened to Jimi w my pal Quil (RIP) and got so high I thought I was a mouse and then prayed to all the hot girls in Jnr. High because I thought I was dying and was sad I would never see their breasts as I was still a virgin (I think?) and then Quil threw water on me and made me play Sega Genesis to maintain my shit. But c’mon…you guys put Jimi number one for everything. You had a 40 greatest guitar players list without Dr Know from Bad Brains on it and no ROIR tape on this pothead list when EVERY SKATER PUNK in the world has blazed and skated to Bad Brains!
Anyway, I fixed the list. Now, I am not gonna say this is “The Greatest EVER” because to each their own high, but I could have had every Kottonmouth Kings release on here and it would be more accurate. Shit, there is an Instagram video of my friend Darla singing “High On The Beach” by Lana that is better than most of the RS choices.
Anyway, here are my top 40 picks that I came up with in a half hour and are better. I did not put Afroman “Because I Got High” on it, but there is a lot of metal. Shit, as my dear friend Laurie Safdie said ,”They should have put the entire Man’s Ruin back releases on it.”
More BELOW and Happy four two oh, yo.
39. Literally any album by any of my friends:
Geezer, The Grape and The Grain, shit, a ton of my friends bands have made records that smoke half that RS list, BUT…the biggest award goes to Dead Unicorn. These mofos…I introduced Zac to Paul once and was like ,”This is Zac. He smokes weed.” Zac was mad cuz he thought I made him seem unprofessional, but then him and Paul embarked on an epic multi album quest as a stoner metal duo to make apocalypse themed pro pot albums that kick total ass. If you think this is cheating you can switch this out with Primus’ Seas Of Cheese which EVERY STONER loves.
38. Lauryn Hill
Are you seriously gonna tell me that none of you got so high with a girl you smoked Ls with that you found yourself singing ,”NOW THE JOY OF MY WORLD IS IN ZION!!!” at the top of your lungs with your arms stretched to the sky? Cuz you are a liar!
37. Limp Bizkit
That’s right. Hate on the Bizkit. That’s fine. But you have to admit people were high as fuck to make this band number one in the world for a long ass time. “My Generation” is way better than most of the RS list. Shit, the Dazed and Confused soundtrack is more legit than that list! I am sure way more people smoked weed listening to this than most of the albums on that RS list.
35. Black Flag
34. The Harder They Come
33. Milli Vanilli
A friend once told me he went on their bus back in the day and they passed out weed out of garbage bags! I hope that is true. It takes strong herb to pull of what they did. Eternal respect to my dudes.
32. Black Sabbath
Ok this song should be higher (but so should I) haha…and everyone knows this song. It makes more sense to have Master Of Reality than Paranoid on a weed list because of this song. You want that sweet leaf or you wanna be fuckin’ paranoid? Got me, bro?
31. Pm Dawn
Do not front on my dudes!
30. Jefferson Airplane (any)
29. Six Feet Under
The record Chris Barnes made with the Cannabis Corpse dudes crushes and eats alive non believers.
28. Blind Melon
People were so high they saw this and were like ,”Yo, that video with the little girl dressed as a bee is siiick, dude. Siiiiiick!!!” And yet, Shannon Hoon really was friggin’ great. I don’t care.
27. Butthole Surfers
The album “Lonesome Bulldog” is on piouhgd has like 700 different versions of the song on it, literally. They must have been high af.
27. Lil Wayne
How they gonna tell this dude he can’t be on the list?!!! How?!!
26. Royal Trux
25. Bad Brains
“Where The Hood At?” from Grand Champ is stupid levels of homophobic. I am bi. But tell me that you have not smoked blunts and wanted to kill someone listening to DMX and I will tell you that he did not pretend he was an FBI Agent once. And then there was Rise Of The Kulev Serpent.
22. Method Man
You can’t not have Tical on a weed list. 36 chambers is classic but this is more of a green album than it.
New video out today HERE.
17. Snoop Lion
This gets on here over The Chronic only because my dude Snoop got so high that he thought he was Bob Marley reincarnated. #kush
16. Flatbush Zombies
Listen to this song!!! That means you, Rolling Stone!
15. The Doors
I mean, duh?!!
14. Cephalic Carnage
This amazing band wrote an album about conjoined twins who try to kill one another when they are not high.
13. Brutal Truth
12. Weedeater (Any)
11. Grateful Dead
10. Murphy’s Law
I mean, c’mon…the best punk song about weed ever.
9. High On Fire
The fucking album name alone!
7. Marijuana Deathsquads
Like, I think of any new, hip bands this deserves to be on there more than some of the RS picks, no?
6. Cypress Hill
4. Cypress Hill
3. Peter Tosh
It’s good for the flu
Good for asthma
Good for tuberculosis
Even numara thrombosis
1. Cypress Hill
Thank you and now get the heck out so I can get so baked I watch Netflix shows I am not even really interested in in the Romantic Comedy section and drool on myself. Peace out and remember that Jeff Sessions is a piece of shit idiot yard gnome.
Honestly, I have smoked weed like once in months and still wrote a better list out of my ass. Deuces.