Search Results for "Funny"

GWAR reveals details on new scumdog/guitarist and jams out to Kansas

Posted by SeanB on Tuesday, October 2, 2012 at 7:49 AM (PST)

The scumdogs of the universe GWAR have finally revealed the identity of their new guitar player as Pustulus Maximus and released several statements on the affair. If you don’t know, GWAR lost their guitarist Flattus Maximus (aka Corey Smoot) to a pre existing heart condition.

Pustulus had the following to say about joining the band:

“At this point I have nothing to say to the press, even though I am talking to you. I will let my guitar speak for itself. But let me add that I am blood-sworn to honor the legacy of the great Flattus and indeed the whole Maximus tribe. I didn’t come here to fuck around. HAIL FLATTUS!”

To read a press release about Pustulus’ origin ands a lengthy statement from Oderus Urungus himself click here.

You can also find a video of Pustulus shredding with GWAR to a song by…Kansas right here, along with upcoming tour dates right here.

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King DiamondSo apparently there is this Swedish scientist who keeps discovering new types of fossils (worms for the most part) and naming them after metal legends.  Six years ago he named one after Lemmy from Motörhead, and now he’s going for King Diamond.

Dr. Mats E. Erikssonan Associate Professor of Paleontology – Department of Geology at Lund University in Lund, Sweden has found a 420 million year old fossilised worm that he has named…wait for it…Kingnites diamondi!  How freakin’ cool is that?!

According to a Scandinavian journal of Earth Sciences called GFF, “The polychaete annelid Kingnites diamondi, a new paulinitid genus and species, is described from the Silurian of Baltoscandia. Its large maxillae differ morphologically from those of all other known paulinitids, particularly in being very elongate and having conspicuous myocoele openings and posterior portions of the first maxillae (MI). Albeit rare, this polychaete taxon is highly characteristic and appears to be confined to the Wenlock–Ludlow transitional interval on Gotland, Sweden, and ranges into the upper Ludlow on Saaremaa, Estonia. All samples yielding this species derive from strata formed in proximal carbonate platform environments. The temporal and geographical distribution indicates that it first appeared in Gotland and subsequently spread north-eastwards to the present-day Saaremaa. Kingnites diamondi adds to the list of known members of the Paulinitidae and reinforces the importance of this family, in terms of abundance and diversity, in Silurian polychaete faunas of Baltica. This is the biggest paulinitid recorded from the Silurian with an inferred body length of approximately half a metre and its diagnostic jaws may serve as a proxy for shallow water, backreef (marginal marine to lagoonal) environments.”

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So apparently Ismail El-Weshahy, a lawyer for the Muslim Brotherhood’s Freedom and Justice Party, has filed a complaint with Egypt’s Interior Ministry against the cultural center El-Sawy Culture Wheel because they hosted a heavy metal show on August 31 where, “satanist rituals were held.”  Huhuh…cool. So what, were they like sacrificing goats and stuff? Oh no. Way worse, they were wearing black t-shirts and dancing!!!  Whoa, seems like nothing right?  Wrong, the club at least should probably be a bit worried.  Egypt has a bit of a history of hating metalheads.  They jailed about 100 of them, some for weeks, 15 years ago claiming they belonged to some kind of satanic sex and drug cult. (this has me thinking of starting one so if anyone wants in let me know)

The center has denied any satanic activity and claims the only violations they had were things like people smoking, and that they dealt with it.  Egyptian metal musician Wael Osama commented to Ahram Online on El-Weshahy’s allegations:

“El-Weshahy made grave legal accusations against the metal bands. We should be concerned about the reactions of the public. After all, we recently saw what happened to the young man who was walking with his fiancé in Suez and was killed by radical Islamists.  I tried to use the media available to me to explain the metal subculture to the people of Egypt.  I feel sympathy for this lawyer, since he may not be familiar with the metal subculture, and therefore may find it strange to see young people headbanging and wearing black.”

I am an Eagle. I like Death Metal. Is this morally compatible?

It was a crazy week for all types of metal, period. I need to vent…er, report the facts.

This is still the best song of the year yet.

Megadeth have been seriously damaged by a Skrull attack planned by Obama. Sorry, let’s end the madness. I hear it was actually just Dave Mustaine bugging out. Skrulls don’t exist. But, there is hope. Metal Riot did an awesome interview with Marty Friedman this week and he is not crazy and reissued 3 great albums on Prosthetic.

Meanwhile… you can go buy the awesome new Ministry album for some actually important political views in the metal world, or you can be entertained reading this. I would like to add that being part of Occupy doesn’t mean you automatically hate rich people, just inequality. Impoverished Wall Street hating Megadouche fans…go worship someone who actively despises you.

Oderus from Gwar recently called Dave Mustaine a “G.C.F.” (not gonna tell you what that stands for). If anyone wants to start a liberal era Megadeth cover band and just play the anti-G.Bush pt.1 song ‘Foreclosure Of A Dream’ over and over, let’s make it happen.

What else? Baroness are ok but have some broken bones and busted other stuff after a bad crash (not as bad as that Candiria one a bit back). Let’s wish them a speedy recovery. We love them.

Paul Ryan loves Rage Against The Machine. Um…on behalf of all sane birds and humans…that is funny. Tell Ayn Rand that government and big business are the same thing now, so her book is now sci-fi. You say jump, we say how high.

Last but not least, Trash Talk started the best hashtag of the week:

‏@TRASH_TALK#FreePussyRiot

God bless America. Deuces.

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Corrupt the young with this Slayer lullaby album.

Posted by Morgan Ywain Evans on Tuesday, August 14, 2012 at 6:00 AM (PST)

Slayer used to soothe me to sleep when I was completely suffering from booze induced nervous system collapse back in my overly stressed college days, but an album of Slayer lullabies? That’s crazy talk.

From the Press Release: “They said it couldn’t be done.  Some may have suggested it shouldn’t be done.  How on earth (or somewhere much hotter) could you possibly take the music of thrash metal kings Slayer and turn them into haunting yet soothing lullabies?  We could tell you the six hundred and sixty-six ways we did it, but you’ll just have to listen for yourself.”

Twinkle Twinkle Little Rock Star is proud to release “Lullaby Versions of Slayer” featuring lush instrumental versions of 12 classic thrash tracks. Fans can now share their love of metal with those little ears not quite ready for the amps cranked to 11.

Click HERE for track listing.
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Could AC/DC inadvertently start a nuclear holocaust?

Posted by SeanB on Tuesday, July 24, 2012 at 8:02 AM (PST)

This is a bit strange and funny, but definitely scary at the same time.  It looks like an Iranian nuclear computer was recently infected by some kind of worm that really likes AC/DC.  Specifically the song “Thunderstruck.”

A recent email from someone at the Atomic Energy Organisation of Iran to a security researcher read:

“I am writing you to inform you that our nuclear program has once again been compromised and attacked by a new worm with exploits which have shut down our automation network at Natanz and another facility Fordo near Qom.”

“There was also some music playing randomly on several of the workstations during the middle of the night with the volume maxed out,” the e-mail reads. “I believe it was playing ‘Thunderstruck’ by AC/DC.”

Wow, who would have thought that an AC/DC song would be the death of us all.

With Randy from Lamb Of God in metal news around the clock this week after being held in Czech jail on manslaughter charges for supposedly causing a fan to die, I thought it was a good time to look at a few simple truths about show protocol and the politics of moshing and stage diving.

While I have categorized this article under the “funny” category, it isn’t a laughing matter. Shit, the whole thing is pretty serious but I will try and keep it light (and probably will fail). The “funny” thing is how much this sucks and how the metal scene still is so fractured we can’t prevent incidents like this somehow. I don’t know the solution. Anyone?

I had a bad day. When I am angry, metal comforts me. So does ranting. I am sure many of you can relate. Here are two simple truths which form my basic premise: 1. Lamb Of God will always rule. 2. While it is sad when shows turn fatal, every metal show is a risk.

Click here to read a few thoughts and show anecdotes about stage diving and moshing. This does not reflect the official opinion of Metal Riot (just my grumpy ass).

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Bassist from Greek black metal band Naer Mataron is elected to Parliament

Posted by SeanB on Tuesday, May 15, 2012 at 7:31 AM (PST)

So, it seems that the bass player from the Greek black metal band Naer Mataron has been elected to Greek Parliament.  Giorgos Germenis was elected in the Greater Athens district under the Golden Dawn Party (which by the way has nothing to do with Crowley’s group, it just doesn’t translate correctly).  People are upset, and in typical black metal witch hunting fashion, people are trying to pin fascist and satanist connections on the group.

Who knows really, but the best part of the whole thing (besides the fact that a guy who wears corpse paint regularly got elected to public office) is Germenis’ stage name “Kaiadas” means the pit in ancient Sparta that babies were thrown into if they were judged unfit to meet the rigors of Spartan life.  Pretty damn metal if you ask me.

The band’s last release was 2008’s Praetorians released under Season of Mist.

If you’d like to see a video of Naer Mataron performing the song “Death Cast A Shadow Over You” and read what “Kaiadas” thinks is wrong with Greece today click right here.

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Random Metal Shit Monday: Alejandro?

Posted by JDKleinhans on Monday, May 7, 2012 at 4:00 PM (PST)

A good Monday to all my fellow heathens and cretins out there and welcome to Random Metal Shit Monday. This is the place where you come to get your metal fix and laugh, scream, cry, punch away the dreariness that is the dreaded Monday.

Today’s randomness is an interesting take on Lady Gaga’s “Alejandro”. I’ll admit that Gaga is one of my guilty pleasures and Italy’s Helia puts an interesting spin on this Top 40 pop song.

Today’s RMSM is brought to you by the letter “G” for Gaga-Monday. Enjoy.

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Random Metal Shit Monday: Ronald McDimmu’s Hamborgir

Posted by JDKleinhans on Monday, April 30, 2012 at 1:27 PM (PST)

A good Monday to all my fellow heathens and cretins out there and welcome to Random Metal Shit Monday. This is the place where you come to get your metal fix and laugh, scream, cry, punch away the dreariness that is the dreaded Monday.

Today’s randomness is what happens when the double arches go bad. It’s not cut or mixed the best but it definitely is creative and makes for an entertaining few minutes.

Today’s RMSM is brought to you by the letter “C” for Creepy Clown. Enjoy.

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Nothing goes together better than Nightwish and ice hockey

Posted by SeanB on Tuesday, April 24, 2012 at 6:37 AM (PST)

When you think of hockey, no doubt you think of a sport driven by testosterone that is known for its brutal fist fights, and love of Nightwish.  It’s a well known fact that hockey players and fans alike are huge fans of female fronted symphonic metal bands, so it should be to absolutely no one’s surprise that the Nightwish song “The Last Ride Of The Day” has been chosen to be the 2012 IIHF Ice Hockey World Championships official theme song.  The championships are taking place May 4-20 in Helsinki, Finland and Stockholm, Sweden and tickets are still available.

Nightwish keyboardist/mainman Tuomas Holopainen had this to say about the honor:

“When I heard that we might be involved with the event, I called all the bandmembers right away, and we were all pretty excited.”

“The Last Ride Of The Day” is taken from Nightwish’s 2011 release Imaginaerum released on Nuclear Blast.

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Random Metal Shit Monday: Skyrim Metal

Posted by JDKleinhans on Monday, April 23, 2012 at 2:26 PM (PST)

A good Monday to all my fellow heathens and cretins out there and welcome to Random Metal Shit Monday. This is the place where you come to get your metal fix and laugh, scream, cry, punch away the dreariness that is the dreaded Monday.

Today’s randomness is for all you gamers out there. I’m sure many of you have wasted many of hours over the past few months on the vast and frozen lands of Skyrim as I have. In honor of all the hard work I present to you Dovahkiin, heavy metal style. Enjoy.

Today’s RMSM is brought to you by the letter “S” for “Skyrim”. Duh.

Immortal gets immortalized…in birthday cake form…again

Posted by SeanB on Tuesday, April 17, 2012 at 6:49 AM (PST)

Being the legends they are, Norwegian black metal band Immortal has been used as the theme for a pretty elaborate birthday cake.  The best part is that this is the second time pictures of an Immortal themed cake have turned up online.

Click here to see pictures of both cakes.

Really, what black metal fan wouldn’t want this for their birthday?  Although one can only wonder what Abbath and Demonaz would think.  For that matter, do they even have birthday cakes in Blashyrkh, is their any time between battling demons and what not? 

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Random Metal Shit Monday: Map Of Metal

Posted by JDKleinhans on Monday, April 16, 2012 at 12:31 PM (PST)

A good Monday to all my fellow heathens and cretins out there and welcome to Random Metal Shit Monday. This is the place where you come to get your metal fix and laugh, scream, cry, punch away the dreariness that is the dreaded Monday.

Today’s randomness is a great way to waste a Monday. Well, not waste, as you’ll learn shit ton about the the various “genres” in the world of heavy metal and get an understanding of its complexity. So, head on over, enjoy the music, enjoy the videos, and go learn something.

Today’s RMSM is brought to you by the letter “F” for “fuck” because I fucking said so!

Hulk Hogan claims he almost played bass in Metallica; Lars says no way

Posted by SeanB on Thursday, April 12, 2012 at 8:18 AM (PST)

As far as weird metal news goes, this one is definitely up there.  It turns out that back in January Hulk Hogan was quoted saying in an interview:

“I used to be a session musician before I was a wrestler. I played bass guitar. I was big pals with Lars Ulrich and he asked me if I wanted to play bass with Metallica in their early days but it didn’t work out.”

Well, Lars recently had an opportunity to respond and this is what he had to say:

“You know what?! I’m blessed or cursed, depending on how you look at it, with having more or less a photographic memory for pretty much anything that I’ve been a part of.  “That one, when that showed up two or three months ago, I was scratching my head over that one. Unless he went by… I don’t know Hulk Hogan, I don’t know enough about him… I’m not a huge wrestling [fan]… Unless he went by, like, his Christian name or something, and I don’t know if anybody knows what his Christian name was — Dave Smith or something — if there was a whole thing that we had with him under a different name, but I certainly have no recollection of doing anything with quote Hulk Hogan endquote. That one, I was scratching my head on that one, too.”

First things first, his name is Terry, and since we have that out of the way it’s pretty apparent that Lars is embarrassed to be a huge closet wrestling fan and doesn’t want to admit that Metallica can’t handle the Hulkamania.  It’s no surprise really, who can?

Anyways, to read a quote from The Hulkster that completely contradicts the first one AND tells us how he almost joined…The Rolling Stones…click here.

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