Search Results for "Funny"


A few days ago I got into it with a Season Of Mist bigwig for their dumb claim that it was virtue signaling for scenesters to call known NSBM flirting DRUDKH overtly nationalist years ago when the above shirt came out. They probably now want to reprint to grift on during the Ukraine crisis, but that is not the worst part. Fucking don’t act like Hate Forest was never a thing. Don’t assume that people are idiots and don’t know the band glorified the Ukrainian Insurgent Army, a formation from World War II that committed ethnic cleansing.

This is not hearsay. Also, I unfollowed you. Maybe you banned me afterwards. Idk or care. Fact is, fucking duh. I never even outright called them Nazis, I just cut through your gaslighting. You chose that word, lmao. If the boot fits!

I get it, they had some sweet riffs over the years. Who fucking cares. Don’t use the invasion and a humanitarian crisis to gaslight and try to whitewash (pun intended) the reputation of one of your roster’s sketchiest bands. And yeah, don’t try to act like I am just virtue signal addicted either. I have friends in Ukraine and the rest of that part of the world right now and am also an Estonian American and know very well (my dad fled Stalin) how scary and shitty Russian aggression can be. Solidarity with the people and not with bullshit.

Also, as for the “you don’t know them” argument…maybe they should do some fucking interviews then sometime and have some accountability instead of you giving them cover. Sick of this level of misdirection in the metal scene. Eat my whole ass.



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Eddie and Nikki are fighting and I personally believe it is detrimental to the rock genre in 2022.

I love Pearl Jam AND Motley, like many people who have varying tastes. Even if I agree with Courtney Love that the Pam & Tommy thing is poor taste and uncool to Pam, I also am a big Motley fan (even if I think they should never have reunited against their vow for money and could have spared us the ongoing sad ass Vince endless downward vocal spiral).

Different bands serve different purposes and sometimes even overlap. Let’s not psycho gatekeep everything. Or pretend Jeff Ament was never down with some glam metal either or that Eddie also never got pigeonholed by the grungers when he first arrived as a ‘surfer bro’. It under estimated him hugely. This vastly pigeonholes and undersells them.  Let’s not pretend that Nikki doesn’t have a really introspective side either and that he hasn’t ended up helping a lot of people in recovery since the decades of decadence.

Boxes help record companies in the short term exploit scenes, but in the long term kill them and date them and make people resistant to growth by artists. I grew up getting into rock right at the cusp between hair metal descending and grunge ascendant. So both served as outsider refuges to me as a kid looking to find my way. One of the first tapes I ever got that was taboo was the iconic Dr. Feelgood and if Eddie thinks that doesn’t have teeth like G N R when the bass kicks in on the title track or an older song like “Wildside” rips forth from the guitar of Mick Mars, he needs his ears checked.

Watch the L7 doc when they talk about how they were shocked their fans didn’t accept Slymenstra from Gwar. Or better yet, read this absolutely garbage Donnas review from Pitchfork (thanks for showing me it, Globelamp) giving the fun and righteous Donnas album a measly 2.9 while completely missing the point of it and going on as a magazine to kiss the ass of Cali bands for years with way less oomph who are nonetheless derivative and more boring. I bet Nikki and Eddie both like The Donnas and would agree that writer sounds like a moron.

Whoever the fun hating loser who wrote it was actually let this go to print but probably would never shit on The Ramones this way (but did take shots at Motley in the review): The real problem is how The Donnas limit themselves by being “fun.” No one expects or wants every modern rock album to be a broody, isolated masterpiece, but the songs on Spend the Night revolve (or devolve) around three main themes: 1) Getting liquored up and makin’ it with some guy; 2) Getting liquored up and running into some guy that had his chance to make it with The Donnas, but didn’t; or 3) Talking trash about some girl that The Donnas don’t like, usually because she keeps them from getting liquored up. All of this may sound ridiculous, but that must be the lyrical price you pay for having every couplet on the album rhyme. 

The author of the corny ass Donnas review also wrote: The Donnas regurgitate a plethora of metal riffs, and for some that may be charming, but the music falls flat because the girls take more than just musical cues from the 70s metal-heads– they embrace their overt use of sexual conquest (or frustration) as subject matter. 

This piece of shit review denying girls the same agency as men was written in like 2003. Let’s also not pretend Eddie shitting on “Girls Girls Girls” and coming off like every girl needs a Cat Power haircut is super woke. You are denying the agency of a lot of girls who had the time of their life in the 80’s. Elements of it could be problematic, sure. Or patriarchal. But Grunge didn’t secretly worship cock swagger Aerosmith?!! This situation is like saying every sex worker or stripper has no agency. Fuck that BS in 2022. ANd G N R had teeth but wasn’t somehow also problematic to Eddie just cuz all the Seattle heads were friends with Duff? Lmao.

Rock is suffering as a genre and making people excited about less variety aint it. Different people can get saved by different artists at different times. I am not saying never critique anything! Let’s also not pretend like the glam metal bands didn’t try to embrace grungier sounds when it seemed apt. The Corabi record or Skid Row’s Subhuman Race are under loved albums and unfairly, because of rigid thinking. But Pearl Jam should also know better since they will always have some percentage who only value their first record despite years of expansive and meaningful albums.

Van Halen were insightful ahead of their time when they put “Tora! Tora!” (basically a Sabbath tribute) on Women And Children First and then went right into “Loss Of Control”, just saying.

I just can’t imagine Nikki or Eddie not finding common ground in the lyrics to “Jeremy” after Nikki’s childhood or Eddie absolutely hating the Bowie influenced “On With The Show”. It bums me out.  Sorry.

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Ok, cow people. How are ya? We are back in action.

I wanted to say a gender neutral term for cowboy or cowgirl, etc. but “cow people” sounds like a literal cow/human hybrid. Anyways, phew…where to begin?

We are figuring out some upcoming server issues and I am hoping the site will get to continue as this gets sorted. We were down a few days as the current one rebooted. It has been a real honor and pleasure and even sometimes a chaotic pain in the ass to participate in the metal scene via MR for the last 12 years with you assortment of fools. Dying Scene is migrating and revamping (which is awesome) and I am hoping MR – which previously shared a server w them – will be able to keep our shit together and stay afloat despite my massive lack of technical wherewithal.

The last few days have been awash with the end of January blues and New York chill as I watched everyone debate the Young/Rogan mess. I am glad that it led to Spotify seeing the power of artists to affect their stock and I want them to pay people better, but I also just want to say that it was pretty boomery of Young to turn around and first thing promote the fucking audio quality of AMAZON, lmao…as if Bezos is some leftist bastion of greenery, ethical consumption and pandemic decorum. Ok, dude.

As an enby (and as a… human being) I have genuine issues with Rogan platforming legit awful transphobes and sexist, unrepentantly clowny pieces of dusty academic dogshit like Jordan Peterson. Some things like living your authentic gender are not a chuckly debate for cis men and it isn’t self indulgent to be non binary. Their comments on blackness were also gross af (and seem to have led to the great India Arie leaving the platform).

I do think in a lot of cases Rogan is manipulated by his guests who are more shrewd or have an agenda (where good faith debate is less important than advertising toxic messaging), whereas Rogan sort of comes off as a bro who flounders around in the dark sometimes and has privileged and edgelord hot takes but who will also have a Bernie or Snowden on his radar …which is a pretty entry level bar, tbh. That said, he really doesn’t challenge a lot of people enough – though it is also true that a lot of people draw conclusions before listening…not an excuse in any way for some of his worse moments over the years.

As far as the Malone thing, I think Brogan probably actually didn’t mean harm but we will see if he actually puts his money where his mouth is and has more balanced programming. I also think it doesn’t speak well of Malone at fucking all that he went on literal white nationalist Steve Bannon’s program. But I do think people have a right to informed consent on any topic and whether Malone is a grifter or wrong or not, at least he says he isn’t sure about everything. That said, it would behoove a more responsible “open debate/free speech” program to not just move on and instead allow in depth “second opinion” rebuttal or even a direct back and forth between Malone and someone qualified who takes contention with his claims. It also would behoove them to be in depth because Malone speaks in a way that is calm and uses technical terms and a sort of bedside manner many people eat up and just saying “that is debunked” without going into depth is not going to convince people who are on the fence.

Anyway, lot is happening in metal. We made it through the first month of 2022 even though Every Time I Die friggin’ broke up. So did the Mighty Mighty Bosstones. In the plus column though we also got rid of Tom Brady. And it is a New Moon in Aquarius. Oh, and long time Metal Riot faves SISTER SIN got a killer “Fight Song” placement on an episode of Peacemaker!

I am just keeping my head down until I can see the Overkill, Prong tour, tbh. Nobody bother me.

Please support the Drew Stark fundraiser. The Candy, Malfunction, etc. member was hit by a car and could use some love. He had to get surgery after his legs were injured, according to Lambgoat.

On another note, Stu Block is singing for Annihilator now! I always liked Stu and while I think he should have extricated himself from the Iced Earth shitshow sooner, I do believe in redemption arcs – depending on the circumstances. Stu isn’t Schaffer, who should probably do some serious soul searching for the rest of his life.

Anyway, Dave Lombardo plays drums on this re-imagined Annihilator cover of Van Halen’s “Romeo Delight”. I pretty much listen to Van Halen every day (OU812 kick lately, if you wanna know).

My heart goes out to Dave Lombardo who lost his mother the same day I did recently. Just remember that the pain of loss is because love is such a strong emotion. Check out the awesome energy of the new version of the cover below and let go a little.

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Jørgen Munkeby of Shining is a road warrior and so perhaps his range of experiences has allowed him to learn how to see the humor in the following crappy situation you’ll read about in a second. I had hit him up as part of our preliminary year end coverage to see if he had a
“road story” worth sharing that was funny from this year, considering his band has been tearing it up live in support of awesome new hard rock album Animal. Turns out he had plenty to say but it wasn’t anything a band would usually laugh about. This guy has a good attitude, even when complaining, hahaha.

I’m currently midway on a 6-week release headline tour for Shining’s new album
Animal in Europe. All shows have been great, and it’s been absolutely awesome to see
how well the new songs go down with the audience. We usually open our set with the
songs “Animal” and “My Church”, and from right from the start we see more people singing
along than we’ve ever had in our shows before, which is amazing! But the funniest thing that has happened -or maybe craziest is a more correct word? – is what happened after I broke the neck off my guitar in a show in Marseille, France, last week!

All of the instruments I use, except my saxophone, are pretty new and cheap standard
stuff, because I want to be able to get the same stuff quickly from any store or backline
rental company in case it is delayed by an airline or breaks down on tour. My two guitars
on tour has been a Gibson SG Standard and an Edwards SG guitar, which is basically a
cheap but great Japanese copy of the Gibson SG. The neck of the Edwards guitar
actually broke on the last brutal and physical note on a song during a show in
Netherlands two years ago, but was later repaired.

On the last note of our song “The Madness And The Damage Done” during our Marseille
show last week, I felt that I had been a bit controlled during the whole show because of
a bruised rib I got during a show in Paris a week before. I was missing a little bit of action and physicality,so I decided to make the last note of the song a big and aggressive one, and I raised my guitar high before the note and signaled to the band that we were going to play a heavy ending when I brought the guitar down. But during that heavy downward motion my guitar snapped in two pieces just like it had done two years ago.

Read More BELOW.

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Valentine’s Day jams for your broken little metal hearts

Posted by Morgan Y Evans - Walking Bombs on Wednesday, February 14, 2018 at 1:12 PM (PST)

It is Valentine’s Day so many metal heads are currently crying alone in mom’s basement. Or maybe the power of metal has infused your life with romance. Maybe you even are ok with loving yourself. That is fine.

Regardless of your needs, we have a wacky little soundtrack for you today to celebrate.


Well, this latest development is absurd

Posted by Morgan Y Evans - Walking Bombs on Thursday, July 13, 2017 at 1:34 PM (PST)

Remember the other day when my sis Cambria finally felt comfortable talking about being erased by Coheed? And then the good folks at Metal Sucks boosted it? The band never responded (of course), but I did start to have a productive and semi-healing conversation with Josh Eppard’s uncle John The Baker – a dude I genuinely like.

Anyway, the band’s proxy former troll leader who used to ramp up fans and PM my supporters to try and convince them I am crazy (that’s not slander, they have the evidence and one is a staff writer at Metal Injection even, hahaha)…this dude Dirty Ern who also performs with Josh in his rap group Weerd Science decided the least completely dismissive response was to try to SELL WEERD SCIENCE albums in the comments section of the FB thread on the Metal Riot post I was boosting about Cambria’s heartfelt interview/conversation with me.

Look, I don’t want to fight them but this completely helps prove my point of how it very much seems like they value profits over people and burying things or trying to save face over real reconciliation. It’s complete bullshit and not punk at all. GTFO w that shit. Do you know how expensive it is and daunting to get trans medicine and surgeries? VERY. Or to be open about depression? And this dude is straight ridiculing everything we said in the interview by asking people to buy their records on the same thread? When the band hasn’t even bothered to respond?

Also not smart when I know how long they kept Mic Todd in the band past when it was healthy for the sake of financial stability to their brand before finally letting him go at his absolute worst and then putting all the blame on him.

I have said many times as a manic depression suffering trans person with bigger issues how I would really like positive closure with them and this is the kind of bullshit they have done for years. Then I get blamed as “crazy” for complaining about it. Eff that shit. I just want them to admit all the things they lied about over the years and to have a constructive healing with me and mutually apologize. Doesn’t that seem like a better lesson for everyone than hero worshiping a dude who would rather throw shade at real people in cartoon songs about murdering girls?

I’ve tried to make peace many times but they won’t hold up their end in full and so hope I just shut up and go away or try to dismiss me. Over that shit.

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Today Rolling Stone published a ridiculous 40 Greatest Stoner Albums Ever list. They should have called it “How to not get laid ever, except for The Chronic and one or two others on here.” They had some cool reggae picks but had fucking Beach House (no offense to them) but not Sleep or Cypress Hill? Like, wtf?!!! The list was pure dirt weed for the most part.

You don’t listen to Kraftwerk stoned. I love Kraftwerk but if you did that too blazed it would be like being stuck in an Atari game and not in a fun way. And Darkside Of The Moon is a way better LSD album. And RS, much as I love them, will never help put me in the rock n roll Hall of Fame I am betting (even though I fucking rule), so I am gonna call them out on putting Jimi Hendrix at number one on pretty much every list they ever publish. I LOVE Jimi. The first time I smoked I listened to Jimi w my pal Quil (RIP) and got so high I thought I was a mouse and then prayed to all the hot girls in Jnr. High because I thought I was dying and was sad I would never see their breasts as I was still a virgin (I think?) and then Quil threw water on me and made me play Sega Genesis to maintain my shit. But c’mon…you guys put Jimi number one for everything. You had a 40 greatest guitar players list without Dr Know from Bad Brains on it and no ROIR tape on this pothead list when EVERY SKATER PUNK in the world has blazed and skated to Bad Brains!

Anyway, I fixed the list. Now, I am not gonna say this is “The Greatest EVER” because to each their own high, but I could have had every Kottonmouth Kings release on here and it would be more accurate. Shit, there is an Instagram video of my friend Darla singing “High On The Beach” by Lana that is better than most of the RS choices.

Anyway, here are my top 40 picks that I came up with in a half hour and are better. I did not put Afroman “Because I Got High” on it, but there is a lot of metal. Shit, as my dear friend Laurie Safdie said ,”They should have put the entire Man’s Ruin back releases on it.”

More BELOW and Happy four two oh, yo.

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The poseurs were put soundly to bed, when Vision of Disorder fans danced on their heads…

While their have been death metal Christmas endeavors before and plenty of
movies where Santa was a killer or more tame fare like The Grinch, the joy of
Christmas can be confusing to metalheads. We thrive on depression and rage, or
at least wallow in dank cellars rolling in cold puddles and moaning as our
laundry piles up. But anyway…We decided to make your shopping easier this
year. Assuming you have anyone to shop for. If not, keep these babies to
yourself in the spirit of giving the darkness only to someone who will really
enjoy it. Cuz Santa all mixed up from strong nog spells Satan, and Satan is greedy!

But seriously, check out our list of neat stuff. That is, if you haven’t spent all your shekles already on punk rockers Bad Religion’s always weird yet surreal and awesome Christmas music from a few years ago (since, ya know, Christmas is kind of associated with religion! And Starbucks!!).

Gift ideas BELOW!

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“Death to false country metal” 

I knew only Kevin Sharp and his merry bandits of Red Neckromancer could be trusted with the high stress sacred task of writing the only werewolf song on this most Halloween of comps. Ok, so maybe I just didn’t have enough money to pay the surviving members of Type O, all great dudes, to use their classic “Wolf Moon (Including Zoanthropic Paranoia)” track. I can get Kevin a few PBRs and a hi five next time I see him and we will be straight cuz he’s down for the cause like that.

Fight the beast, indeed. Listen HERE.

The song was tracked by solid gentleman and probable werewolf Pete Robertson (who has done FoH for bands ranging from Dropkick Murphy’s to Cannibal Corpse) at 721 Media Center in Kingston, NY.

This quite sophisticated ditty sits proudly alongside other monster themed songs from Golden Torso, Night Viper, Shadow Witch and more on our new Metal Riot bandcamp! Only two more songs to reveal after this as we lead up to Halloween!

This comp has been a dark stormy blast to put together and I love my crazy friends.

Dear Varg, I grew up reading D'Aulaires' Norse Gods and Giants, am very white Estonian/Welsh bi sexual male who loves Bikini Kill, hip hop and Bad Brains and my life is better for it. Also, my Dark Sun character from 1996 Sorrenus the Mul will fuck up any of your MYFAROG bullshit.

Dear Varg, I grew up reading D’Aulaires’ Norse Gods and Giants, am a very white Estonian/Welsh bi sexual male who loves Bikini Kill, hip hop and Bad Brains and my life is better for it. Also, my Dark Sun character from 1996 Sorrenus the Mul will fuck up any of your MYFAROG bullshit “warriors”. Matter of fact I bet Morrissey could even kick your ass in real life, even though he is old now.

I’m so fucking glad they hired Idris Elba to play Heimdall in the Marvel movies, hahaha.

Metal Sucks has been doing some great Varg posting lately, exposing more of
his kooky antics that are increasingly self-parodying. I guess you can’t
expect consistent mindfulness or a lack of xenophobia from a guy who burns
churches to get back at Christians for being intolerant and bitches about
Syrian refugees despite being such an obvious team player and expert on
sustainable economic models that he…killed a band mate. Talk about long term
economic goals, Varg! Seems to me like that’s a surefire way to ruin a band

Though everyone knows De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas is awesome and that Mayhem’s
new Esoteric Warfare is not the same thing, it doesn’t need to be. “Trinity” is fucking awesome and that’s enough.

It is 2015.I’d rather support Mayhem now or the Fenriz types who work at post
offices and blog about metal and keep releasing masterpieces of the genre
without saddling us with all the extra baggage. It’s called evolution. Since
Varg seems to think his ancestors had that shit on lock and were the be all
end all, it’s no wonder he’s a bad expert on the subject (much like the anti-
evolution Christians whose digs he burned).

Plus, Kveldssanger by Ulver smokes Varg’s The Ways Of Yore, and they made that 2nd Ulver record when they were babies.

Oh, Varg also has recently released a racist role playing game.

Personally I always enjoyed Marvel Super Heroes role playing because it meant
I might “actually” get to bang Black Widow or hang out with Spider-Man. I had
a rebel Morlock who was a cat mutant named Lynx but liked using gattling guns
because of Predator. So yeah, that was when life used to be awesome. But I
never thought, gee…I wanna be a Klansmen who gets my ass kicked by Black
Panther and Luke Cage. No, I wanted to fuckin’ party with Blade and Morbius
The Living Vampire over some awkward red fruit punch.

All around cool dude and hard rock/power pop song machine Danko Jones had some
thoughts awhile ago on why Burzum as a casual t-shirt amidst CBGB’s and other
“brands” is a bad idea. In 2015 we often are about branding but is a Burzum
shirt the same as sporting a Tool shirt? No, not really. Listen to  Skálmöld instead for your Loki love.

I love music sometimes by people who I don’t agree with, such is life
(I still listen to Dissection, FYI. Not Varg but kind of suspect, being that
I’m bi and all). But homeboy Varg is even giving pagans and Norwegian metal a
worse rep lately and it’s just not cool anymore, haha.

A very dear, gay friend of mine who is an occult artist has a sort of guilty
Burzum shirt in his closet and I get it, cuz the music rules and Varg is
funny, to an extent. But he’s also petty and ugly, even if he is on his own
karmic path. We don’t have to shrug and fit him in somewhere between checking
out Myrkur and Adult Swim’s team up and cooking dinner. 

Yes, Myrkur is way more interesting these days
and oodles more relevant than this dusty Gollum fart Varg has become.
So here are some Norse influenced metal moments that aren’t going to make you
cringe , just like table top RPG’s shouldn’t have you wondering if the available “good guy” fair haired player races will all
start shouting ,“get the filthy muggles”...or some such. I’ve been known to rock
a “Die Orc” shirt, but without seeming cruel to orcs everywhere I think that’s
a shade different than what Varg and his (cough) troll supporters have aligned
themselves with philosophically over the years. I mean, I wouldn’t
automatically hate an orc if I saw one, but Varg is the equivalent of bitch
ass lieutenant of Morgul Gothmog saying “The age of men is over. The age of
the orc has come” if you, like, swap men with Jews and orc with “whitey.”

So let’s peace out Varg and pump these jams in the name of Balder instead.

Read it BELOW.

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yours truly not braking the oath with my friend Katniss and our favorite albums to 2 people 2

yours truly not breaking the oath with my friend Katniss and our favorite albums to 2 kill 2

Sarabeth from the almost too excellent Tower posted a Judas Priest song on her babely Facebook page the other night and it got me thinking how even “bad” Priest is better than everything and how I love the video for “Turbo Lover” and don’t care. It made me think how much metal or good rock n roll or hip hop deserves a fighting chance, no matter what.

Some bands  settle for less than they deserve, a few beer tickets every few months at a local show or they never have any drive and want to jerk off alone with a slice of pizza as a glove because they have no fans.It’s easy to say that giving up on metal, noise, punk, rap etc is a (non gender specific) bitch move.That’s because,essentially, this is true. It’s criminal to betray an artform that gives back and nourishes the soul in so many deep ways, though in real world ways it can eat you alive.

Watching White Lung Saint Vitus Bar NYC footage today or recently listening to Give Up The Ghost/American Nightmare’s We’re Down Til We’re Underground, I was moved by the musical power enough to register on some level thanks for these examples of recently active performers who matter. Art can be limited to a time period and still have relevance.There are many short lived, amazing bands.Or time periods we love to mull over (early Metallica, Naked Raygun or Rollins Band albums hold a place in the hearts of various humans like Dave Mustaine, Steve Albini & Scott Ian, for example.)

I’ve been enjoying Dr. Dre’s Compton album (except for the murder fantasy skit as I know lots of people love to re-enact Wu Tang skit’s or whatever and just found it a distraction from brilliant flow of rest of record as well as distasteful, but it’s not unrealistic shitilly enough).There’s part of the record where the master producer Dre mentions how he doesn’t respect whiners, to paraphrase.Cuz it is tough out there, and I legitimately feel that.

The music industry is the same way.Let’s hear from members of bands like Candiria, He Whose Ox Is Gored, Circuitry, Atriarch and more on what’s kept them going. I even asked my rapper pal Mattrix what keeps him grindin’ and rhymin’ (this is a dude who has had way more first week video plays than some established rappers).

Read More BELOW.
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Smithsonian Institute’s National Museum of American History Profiles Slayer

“Slayer: The Origins of Thrash”

LOS ANGELES, CA — The Smithsonian Institute’s National Museum of History has just posted a profile of Slayer and the Origins of Thrash as part of its Places of Musical Innovation exhibit. Check it out HERE.

Remember kids, reading and bleeding is fundamental.

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Coheed has a new song! Listen to the charming “You’ve got spirit, Kid” HERE. But please purchase Weerd Science instead because it is way better.

Well, maybe I’m reading into this too much but since I’m one of if not the only vocal critic of Claudio Sanchez and he’s just announced he’s finally doing a record of his “feelings” and not just potshots at former bandmates or friends disguised as a concept story, something is setting off my spidey sense.

Should be fun since the whole backstory of the band’s actual history (not the “armory wars” but their actual band history) that he has presented to the public is more or less a conceptual story he made up and only half the truth, when in fact many shitty jabs at former friends or bandmates have littered his lyrics even to the point of naming Apollo records after ex drummer Nate Kelley’s dog Apollo to make him jealous Nate was out of band once they got rich and rub it in his face…like, weirdo shit. Like naming the band after my fucking sister. I’m pretty much their only critic besides some people who know the truth, many of whom are their ex crew. We’ve even shared plenty of band mates over the years or producers.

If this song is about me…I guess I have to shave dude’s head. But maybe I’m wrong since, not legions of emo fans, but many people do “give a fuck” about me. You want the distribution on all the magazines nationally and internationally I write for, dude? And as the lyrics say “the floor is all yours”, which could relate to me since they never respond to anything I say whether I ask nicely or try and heal the friendships or whether I’ve been a drunken asshole. Floor certainly is all mine if you hide in plain sight.

I’m friends with a lot of their fans who have been cool to me but there are also many who are just willfully in denial and worse detectives than juggalos trying to figure out how magnets work. Even the media that covers them has done a terrible job getting the truth. And I love the other dudes in the band who I know, even though they are his yes men and their manager is all about supressing the truth and has been for years, but it’s a bubble long overdue to be burst. Unchecked fucking vanity is not punk rock. Grow the fuck up, dude. You have a good life and lots of fans. many people worked hard to get you there, it wasn’t just your demi god powers. And show some forgiveness since all of us fucking partied too hard and no one has been an angel.

Catch up to speed HERE for more context. But I mean, it could be about his pizza delivery guy. Who knows. Also, the above tattoo reminds me once when Josh Eppard told me he saw a back piece of Fred Durst on a 16 year old girl that time Coheed played Canada and got drunk and said Gretzky sucked and got booed by Canadians. Like, do you want this Ewok on your fucking arm your whole life? Really?

Maybe I’m paranoid. Doubt it. At least I still have some un auto tuned roughs from their Turbine Blade sessions if I really decide to get mad, haha. But I’d rather take the high road. I’m also nobody’s bitch and always speak up for myself, friends and family.

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I’ll always give Coheed props when they do something cool, like Claudio’s above collabo with ex-Hulk scribe/legend Peter David. Anyone who knows me and my family or scene history knows I still have issues with Claudio never burying hatchet right with me but I don’t hate him, though is real drag (though I’m glad I’m peacefully friendly again with recovering ex bassist Mic Todd after 9 years of not talking). But for sake of good will (and cuz I really like the PR firm this email arrived from) and Cuz this is awesome I’m sharing this funny ass new video anyway ‪#‎pma‬ #dontblowbubbles

Watch the band lampoon idiot judge Scalia n regards to same sex marriage and health care on Funny Or Die HERE.


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How to make a “Rainbow In The Dark” beverage

Posted by Andrew Johann Datoush on Saturday, May 16, 2015 at 11:03 AM (PST)


“Without pain, there can be no strength. No way to grow. No way to own your own soul. Then the rainbow… The rainbow fades to black”. – Blaze Bayley

Today marks 5 years since the passing of Ronnie James Dio, one of the most influential singers in the heavy metal genre. Dio has inspired millions with his solo band DIO, as well as RAINBOW, BLACK SABBATH / HEAVEN & HELL, and others, as the list goes “on and on, on and on and on…” (Admit it, you sang that last part. )

Growing up, I was all over the place as a metal fan boy. As a little kid, my mix tapes I rocked in my old Walkman featured everything from SLAYER to STRYPER. One band that made most of my mixes was the Dio fronted BLACK SABBATH. Songs like “Falling Off The Edge Of The World”, “Die Young” and “Country Girl” jumped out at me, and spoke to me. 5 years ago today, I was sitting in the now closed (editor’s note: insane punk rock shit-hole) Basement venue in Kingston, NY with some friends when the news broke. I can only describe our reaction to the news as one collective gasp followed by several minutes of silence. Nobody knew what to say. As Obi-Wan Kenobi said in the original Star Wars film following the destruction of Alderaan, “I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened.”

It truly felt like that, as it felt like our world may have just taken a deathstar blast as well. Once we were able to compose ourselves, and wipe away the tears, we decided that May 16th would become “Dio Night”. Break out the projector and big screen, crank up the venue speakers, and we would celebrate the life of Dio with the HEAVEN & HELL live DVD. To make things a little more official, fellow Metal Riot writer, Morgan Y. Evans, our friend Mike, and I created some Dio inspired drinks to help with the tribute to Dio, and also to help numb us to help hold back the tears. Here we are today, 5 years later, and as a gift to you all, I would like to share with you, the ingredients for the most popular drink we created that night, and my regular go-to drink for most holidays, the Rainbow In The Dark.

READ the recipe BELOW and Hail RJD!

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