The people around our group at that time acknowledged the weirdness of it. I know I exist. – Cambria Evans
For years I have had an on again off again argument with Coheed and Cambria. We grew up together in various bands. Their first drummer Nate was my best friend and in bands with me as well. We have had many amazing times and many horrible times and in the early days we all used to play shows together all the time.
I remember a particular day in 1997 vividly where a side project band of mine called
The Electric Ten Inch was jamming at Shabutie’s regular practice space at Nate Kelley’s family home in Bearsville, NY. The band was myself, Mic Todd on bass, Zac Shaw (now of Dead Unicorn), Nate on guitar and Damien Shannon on lead (he went on to work on Ween’s
White Pepper album, incidentally). Claudio Sanchez was there listening to us jam out on the song “Ghost”, which was about addiction. He was sitting on the floor bopping his head to Mic’s bassline. The sense of brotherhood amongst us all was very strong and the musical energy was so rad.
I never thought in a million years I would one day spend almost two decades simply asking for Claudio to admit my sister Cambria exists. She was a part of our scene, collected door money at shows that I booked for us all and is a real and good person. She is also my hero for coming out of our drug crazed Woodstock 90s scene mostly unscathed.
My sister is more reconciled to a lot that has happened including the gaslighting and does not let it affect her anymore, despite her initial discomfort. I however have a lot of ptsd from rape trauma, trans issues, being a former junkie and much more that is already hard enough to navigate without gaslighting . I get very bad anxiety attacks. I trigger very, very hard from unresolved conflicts that I bury. Especially since our dad died and only a short while afterwards people hit me up saying Coheed had a new song mocking me. I want peace but can not always control my mood swings, despite taking medication. I can only try my best. I used to even share stages with them since the band name change but when lots of time passed and they never admitted the truth, it really ate at me and offended me. Being threatened with violence by people also didn’t help.
I also have shielded my sister the best I could for years from online trolls calling me a liar or her a whore, people telling me to kill myself (which I have attempted before including as recently as 2015) or shitty things going on behind the scenes to discredit me and get me blacklisted. It has honestly really been hellish and made it hard not to feel a constant low level paranoia. It is also very hurtful because I have tried to save their lives before from drugs. I also put out the first cd compilation Shabutie was ever on w one of my friends Tom (called Error 404 Not Found) in 1999. I booked most of their early shows for them. I even dated the ex bassists ex wife and we have a very tangled history. Coheed even stole the guitarist of my old band of seven years
Divest (who had the same producers) to be their touring keyboardist after members promised to help us get a record deal but instead we were broken up by him jumping ranks. And I know they have told people to steer clear of me.
Ten fucking years later it really broke my heart when “You’ve Got Spirit Kid” came out with alleged fresh attacks about me. They had used lyrics of mine before in “Hearshot Kid Disaster” and all kinds of weirdness over the years. But this new song came right as I was finally speaking to Mic Todd again after 9 years trying to heal our friendship and was giving him cancer remedies meant for my dad. I blew up online at Claudio and Mic and I have not talked again since. It sucks. He used to be one of my very best friends. Someone even vandalized my non writing related workplace at that time and I thought it was an associate of the band who I was arguing with, though now am not sure and have forgiven him.
That said, my sister and I really do want peace with the past and present members. People think I am a hypocrite at times because I will say that and then lose my temper and attack them again in very angry language. I get how that can make me seem like a bully to people who don’t know the massive personal histories or the wall of silence from Claudio. I find that to be like tone policing an abuse victim who is trying to raise awareness. I mean there is a reason my band now is called
Walking Bombs. I can only do my best and try not to explode but I really struggle. Doc from Bad Brains asked me at my dad;s funeral to try and lift the burden from my heart and let it go. AND I really want that but with mental health problems it comes back up. It feels like everyone is fine if I shut up about it but after near two decades of telling people I have serious manic depression issues and would simply like the respect of the warts and all truth to help heal and not re-trigger me, you’d think the band could take five minutes to make a public statement. It would seriously help me stay level and not freak out on them anymore randomly.
After many years my sister finally feels comfortable with me asking her some questions. I am very glad it doesn’t upset her or reach her any more, though she also has had far less drama with them than I have.
Add to My Radar 
